It all started when my pal Paula asked me to figure out why she wasn't getting a response to her JDate ad. " What I get is that we all want to be loved for exactly who we are. " It wasn't long before news that I'd taken Paula's profile from drab to fab spread far and wide (okay, a couple of people in Brooklyn heard). I've seen the dumb, the dull, and the klutzy; the bitter, the brazen, and the too cute by half.I didn't have to read beyond her opening sentence—"I like the library! All the exclamation points in the world couldn't save that line. But surely there's a juicier way to bring up your literary fetish.

funny quotes on online dating-47

Here's what these funny people had to say about grandmothers.

No one knows for sure who first came up with these lines.

With the current state of the Internet, we may never know.

We just know that we see them shared online, in greeting cards, in memes and in a thousand other ways.

When they go viral, it's usually because they contain a lot of truth, but there may be more to the story.

This may be true, but smart grandmothers defer to the parents.

It's smart to do so because, believe it or not, the parents do get to make the decisions about their children.

I don't know why, I don't know how, I only know that I was at the supermarket one fine morning, minding my own business, when suddenly I came face to face with "the sun-dried plum." I will tell you right now that I'm a fan of the prune—particularly when it's in Danish form—but the prune was clearly not selling.

For the prune to turn heads (not to mention meet a nice guy, move to the suburbs, and have a couple of baby prunes) it needed a fresh marketing strategy.

Which brings us to today's subject: the online dating profile.

I've got a number of brilliant, beautiful, frank, funny friends, all capable of remarkable things, but writing an enticing online profile does not seem to be one of them. Some people offer their services in soup kitchens, some volunteer to shampoo crude oil off of sad, gooey pelicans; I rewrite online dating profiles.